After twenty-something years of marriage and two children, Sharon decided to divorce after her youngest graduated high school. This was six years ago, and four years later her high school sweetheart got a job at the company where she worked, and they began to date. Sharon told me that her ex-husband had never stopped hoping that one day they’d find a way to re-unite. Recently, he’s asked her to marry him again. She said, “He’s a good provider, he’s the father of my children, and my family loves him; but I have feelings for my boyfriend, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’ve prayed and asked God to help me, because I don’t know what to do.”
If any of you are thinking like me, you can’t help but appreciate Sharon’s position to some degree. She has two men vying for her affection and attention. Not many of us can make this claim. However, anytime you find discord or confusion, you’ve got to use caution. 1 Corinthians 14:33a(NKJV) tells us so clearly, “For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.” God doesn’t initiate, create, or perpetuate confusion. He interjects peace, and Philippians 4:7 tells us that His peace exceeds anything we can understand. It will guard our hearts and minds as we are committed to live in Christ.
Ambivalence, especially when it comes to relationships, is a sign that we don’t have God’s peace. It is sometimes an emotional and mental indicator that we need to be still, and wait until we can hear clearly from the Lord. In Sharon’s case, she has forgotten how important it is to have the peace of God in a relationship. Without it, things turn to mush very quickly, and you lose the foundation that once gave the relationship endurance and unity.
We can always learn from our previous relationships, especially those that are prior marriages. It is a big deal when a marriage falls apart and divorce enters the picture. Nothing is gained from playing the blame game, but it is important to analyze things as much as possible, so that mistakes and missteps are not repeated. Sharon and her ex-husband somehow lost the peace of God in their marriage. They may have looked to find in each other something that can only be found in God.
We should never expect to receive from another individual something that only God can give. He gives us peace, joy, fulfillment, and so much more. When you learn how to find these spiritual goodies in God through Jesus Christ, you can then enter your relationship as a whole person, as opposed to someone who doesn’t really understand their identity in Christ, and is fragmented and insecure. When you’re in this fragmented state, it will spill over into your relationship. So, the peace of God is most definitely a foundation that must be built in our own hearts and minds, before we can bring it into any other relationship.
Real and true peace is an inner calmness and contentment that abides because of our faith in God. It’s a joy that we experience despite any difficulty we might be encountering. It isn’t dependent upon any circumstance, but rests solely on our trust in our Heavenly Father through the Lord Jesus Christ.
When we’ve lost God’s peace in a relationship, it is important for us to examine if we’ve grown to such an extent that we won’t lose it again. God knows our future. He wants only the best for us, and He knows WHO is best for us. Sharon indicated that she has prayed and asked God what to do, but we must also ask ourselves if we are in a position to hear His answer. It is important for us to rest in His peace, because this is when we can hear Him. It’s when we have intentionally drowned out all other noises so we can commune only with God. He is always speaking, and abiding in His peace will allow us to hear, so that we can make good decisions, and nurture our relationships from a place of wholeness, confidence, and strength. ■
Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
“The Peace of God in Your Relationship”, written for findchristianman.com©2019. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!