I Want to Have a Marriage, Not Just BE Married

Recently, a wonderful young woman stated to me very emphatically that she is tired of being single, but she followed this statement by also affirming her conviction to wait on the Lord. She said she doesn’t want to just be married for the sake of saying she’s married. She wants to have a real marriage. We know that many today are not as patient as God desires, so considering this young woman’s age, I couldn’t help but to be incredibly impressed with her stand. I know women twenty or thirty years older that haven’t demonstrated this level of faith. In a nut shell, this young sister is believing God to bless her with a man that is worth every inconvenience her temporary single status may require. She’s fully-persuaded in the Lord, and seasoned sisters can learn a thing or two from her made-up mind.

Young women in their twenties have seen some of the mistakes that many of us more mature women have made in our relationships. Desperation has not been our friend, and has caused us to acquiesce in ways that ended up betraying us. Some of us poured all we had into relationships with men that may have been right for someone else, but weren’t right for us. We tried to force that square peg into a round hole, and the result of this pressure was a fractured heart and very often emotional exhaustion. Some of us walked away from it saying we would never marry or love again.

So, our young sisters are cautious, but very hopeful and optimistic about what God has in store for them. They have a preponderance of new revelation and an impressive understanding of sound doctrine from God’s Word. They hunger for genuine intimacy in their relationships with Heavenly Father, and this more than anything else, is going to secure the foundation of their future marriages.

Proverbs 4:7(NKJV) says, “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” God gave us the Book of Proverbs to lead and guide us in His wisdom. Much of this book is designed to instruct young folks, so that they will not be given over to youthful lusts and end up wasting their valuable time on costly and foolish mistakes. God tells us that wisdom is the principal thing. This means that we should make the attainment of wisdom a serious priority.

Many of us desire to marry a man that can bring to the table something of substance, and do so in a way that equals or exceeds our own capacity. We want him to be self-sufficient, able to get paper legitimately, and able to unselfishly and assuredly contribute to our households. Emotionally, we’d like him to be present; to be loving, kind, and compassionate. Above all else, we want him to be saved, Holy Spirit filled, and able to love us as Christ loves the church.

This should be our expectation because it is God’s standard for the husband. He tells them in Ephesians 5:25 (KJV) “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” This is wisdom! We can’t rise above that which we do not know. If a single Christian woman isn’t aware of this standard in God’s Word, then she might have no basis for expecting her husband to have such an abiding love for her. But God has made the standard clear, and because of this, we know that it’s true, achievable, and righteous.

God’s Word prepares the single person for marriage, as well as every other triumph or obstacle in life. His wisdom prepares us for success in every area. Many mature Christians do not part the pages of their bibles until Sunday. They don’t know God’s nature, are limited in their knowledge of Christ, and haven’t invited the Holy Spirit to have full reign over their lives. The young woman determined to receive God’s best is taking care of this spiritual housekeeping. She’s committed to being transformed by the renewing of her mind. Through God’s Word she’s positioning herself to have a marriage blessed by the unity and peace of Christ. God will do this for her, just as He will for every woman committed to seek Him first.■

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

“I Want to Have a Marriage – Not Just BE Married”, written for findchristianman.wordpress.com. Copyright©2020. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!

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