Band-Aids Eventually Come Off

As you and your special someone talk about building a future together and share your hopes and dreams, you can’t imagine your life without him. You’re at the point in the relationship that fulfills the prayer you’ve prayed for so long. You’re actually making plans for marriage with the significant man in your life, and it feels amazing. This is also a place where the strength of our personal commitment to God and His Word is often revealed. Our understanding of God’s requirement for taking care of another’s heart while still maintaining intimacy in our relationship with Him must come front and center. We must be prepared to leave some things behind and gain greater spiritual strength and character for the new part of our journey that marriage will begin.

Genesis 2:15-18(NLT) says, “15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”” Some people believed that God decided that Eve should be made right there on the spot, but this is not the way God does things. Revelation 22:13 tells us that He is Alpha and Omega, the First and the last, the beginning and the End. He is all-powerful, perfect beyond perfection, and He knows everything. He knows the end at the beginning and the beginning at the end.

God is holy and marriage is the holy union that He instituted between Adam and Eve. He took a rib from Adam’s body and made Eve, as Adam’s helpmate and wife. God assigned Adam’s role first, and then He assigned the role of Eve. God is the One with the plan and He never makes a mistake. It’s so important to understand that the Author and Creator of the institution of marriage is God. It belongs to Him, and He has set the rules for governing and maintaining its unity and longevity.

Genuine affection
One of those rules can be found in Romans 12:10(NLT). It says, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Sometimes couples confuse genuine affection with physical affection, and the two are not the same. Jesus Christ set the bar for genuine love and affection, and he demonstrated for us that this kind of love requires commitment and sacrifice. Often women are very willing to welcome a man into their lives and give him all the privileges of being husband when he has not yet made that commitment. They have not received this same level of sharing and generosity from the man. His willingness to sacrifice for her well-being and happiness hasn’t been demonstrated. So, she has not witnessed evidence of his genuine affection but has settled for physical affection, and this doesn’t equate to the level of honor a wife should receive. It wouldn’t be wise to skip over such important aspects of the love of Christ, even if talks about marriage are promising.

Work hard
Romans 12:11(NLT) says, “Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.” God requires the same level of faithfulness from the woman as He does the man, but there is no question that men have a greater responsibility to God for grounding their marriages in the love of Jesus Christ. He commands in Ephesians 5:25(NLT), “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Jesus Christ has set the boundaries for our expectations here. As women of faith, we need to see the man’s level of persistence and dedication. You need to see evidence that his willingness to contribute support equals or exceeds your own. 2Thessalonians 3:10(ESV) says, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.” You should see this kind of character and responsibility in the man that loves you like Christ loved the church.

Ignoring huge issues

It’s easy to be committed when things are going well, but what attitudes and behaviors are you seeing when things are not going the way he’d like? Does he pout, criticize, and levy blame unfairly? At times, do you feel like he sees you as a competitor? Emotionally immature people can sometimes be vengeful and mean. They have unresolved anger and old wounds but have become masterful at covering these up. We’ve seen bits and pieces of this in the relationship, but we’ve put band-aids on what we’ve seen just to keep it moving in the direction of marriage. Ignoring these issues will be ultimately be a very costly mistake.

God tells us in Romans 12:17(NLT), “Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.” God would not send you a man whose heart is full of resentment. The man that God sends would not be vengeful and plot evil to repay you for offenses. That’s just wrong. So, if you’ve bypassed red flags just for a walk down the aisle, understand that the band-aids you’ve put on real issues will eventually come off, and you will not be at peace when they do. Be wise about your choices and decisions. Stay in prayer and ask our precious Heavenly Father to let you know if marriage with the man you’re with is the right move for your life. ■

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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